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They’re hard to find and usually have waiting lists. A friend who was a counsellor recommended a wonderful no-nonsense colleague who specialises in sex addiction. But my one session with him emboldened me to talk about the problem with my friends, to unveil our dirty secret.

(The website of the Irish Association of Alcohol and Addiction Counsellors is a good place to start.) Counselling is also expensive, and the sessions are not covered by medical insurance. And that was immensely liberating – more for me than for my husband.

The behaviour of the actor Michael Douglas first put the problem on the front page. Isolated, I drifted farther and farther, my confidence diminishing as he further absented himself.

Back then it sounded like a lame excuse for him to do exactly as he pleased. The more he used porn the more I raged at his unexplained absences. My rage was driving him away, but I didn’t know what else to do.

They will deny and deflect, blaming you for their problems. But for those who do, the release from their shame is the first step. They may not understand it, but they don’t need to.You already know that something isn’t right in your relationship.If someone is disappearing to another room or office for hours on end, locking the door, and is generally agitated by intrusion, something is up.And there is a certain shame in admitting that your partner hasn’t left you but has chosen porn over you. All you have are the impressions of the counsellors working in the field. I lost three years of married life to this addiction.But, if you can get admittance that he or she has a problem, sex addiction can be dealt with, and if you can park your pride you can overcome the problem. But it takes a willingness to want to change on both sides. I would advise anyone who believes they might be going through the same experience to seek help.

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